20180405_214620I have PTSD. It’s important to get things out of my head and put them in a form I can see. This is where the bullet journal has been invaluable to me. I tend to do things like forget tasks I can and should be doing because I go round and round in my head like a startled fish in a very small bowl. . . This journal allows me to put down my necessary and desired tasks down on paper in a tangible space and look at it to keep me living a “normal “existence.

Ir’s much more than that. It’s magic. It’s a steady hand, like Baba Yaga’s flying hands: it accomplishes the little minutia of the day and performs the mundane task master schedule.  When my day becomes frantic with obsessive, circular thinking, it’s a map and compass to my life: magical and mundane. It’s also a record of how far I have come, and how much wood to include in my pyre. When those inevitable black days hit, and I know they come, I can pull out my little compass and map of my life so far and see that my anxiety and PTSD are big, fat liars and ride through the moment so much easier. I can hold on to the knowledge that light will indeed hit that horizon again.

Yes, there is magic in my bullet journal. I don’t just put in the little, mundane tasks I must accomplish. I put in the things that make me, well , oddly me. GoO gets watered and my magic herbs thrive. Moon  signs and phases, Mercury’s backward dances, Tarot cards of the day, readings and spreads are documented, random madnesses get recorded along with inspirational quotes and sage advice. I randomly doodle and go back to reflect when ugly shows up. I even record chants, spells and varying workings. . . magic indeed. If the Spanish inquisition shows up unexpectedly, and they are never expected, I would be ever so fucked. Go ahead, hang me like your Salem girls and leave my grave unmarked. . .  I left a space for that.

I started this process about 2 years ago. The thing that I have noticed is the more I get the little things out of my head and make a record of the adulting that needs doing the more I find time and space I can actually do things within. I know what needs to be done, when it should be done and I can focus on it because I have planned a space to do it in. . . It’s literally been a practice. Each day has been built and stacked like stones building a foundation, I have found that if I know I have created a space to do a thing I can focus on just that and not stress on what needs to happen next. I have taken a deeper waters sort of approach and actually purchased a dream journal from Dragon Tree. I’m a little overwhelmed but, I am getting over that. I get better at it all the time and find that my bullet journal skills are improving and as it improves. . . so do I.

If that’s not magic, I don’t know what the hexes is. So, here’s to creating prosecutable evidence to my own witches’ pyre. . . at least I can focus on it!

2 thoughts

  1. My sweet Nayla, brava! I, too, work through PTSD, anxiety, and circular mind running. I, too, do not know where I would be without my Bullet Journal. So when the Spanish Inquisition shows up (when no one is expecting them) I’ve got your back, my sister. Blessed be.

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